Why do we still have manual doors? This is the 21st century, but I’m still turnings handles and knobs like some sort of caveman. We can print 3D print organs and resurrect rappers as holograms, but I have to use my own arms to access a different room.

  Automatic doors make so much more sense on every level. You can’t get germs from automatic doors, unless you make a point to lick the sensor mat. An automatic door won’t slam shut on your head when you peek in a room. Carrying heavy boxes? Thew automatic door is here to help, by not hindering your entrance. Haunted houses would be so much less scary if the door didn’t slam behind you, but, instead, gently slid shut.

  With automatic doors, sexism and racism goes out the window. Every automatic door sensor contains a tiny perfect gentleman, who loves holding doors open for people. There is no awkward period of distance when to hold the door for someone, because the door holds itself for.

  Justice is blind and so is the sensor. Black or white, gay or straight, law abiding citizen or exonerated axe murderer, the automatic door will open itself to you.

  For the practical business professional, automatic doors help a building maintain temperature by cutting energy costs. Lazy mortals tend to leave doors open behind them, content to let nature invade your workplace, but not the industrious automatic door. Also, consider how much more important you look with the technological marvel at your workplace. Customers will flock to your business when they realize that they no longer have to suffer the tyranny of mom and pop stores and their “quaint atmosphere”.

  So why isn’t every door an automatic door? Price may be a factor, primitive manual doors may be cheaper, but automatic doors are the future. Anyone with an underground lair knows that automatic doors that welcome you to your board room in a baritone voice are so much cooler than having to open your own door in front of your plotting cronies.

  All we would loose from manual doors is the drama involved with dealing with them. True, it is hard to make a dramatic exit without slamming a door, but jumping through glass panes is a much louder way to break up with your girlfriend. She can use that wooden door for years after you are gone and she has a family, but the sight of you leaping through her front door and on to your motorcycle will linger in her dreams forever.

  Now think of entrances. The swishing sound of a door moving itself aside for a person of power inspires fear in the masses who meekly push doors themselves. And if you want an exciting entrance, the option to jump is still there, such as when you have to go to your ex-boyfriend’s house to get your Playstation back. He’ll always remember how you bust in, tore your console from the television, and rode off on your motorcycle.

  This may raise some safety concerns, but rest assured, glass isn’t the only thing you can make for automatic doors. Anything that can be attached to a sensor and rollers can be a door. Metal automatic doors make a house into a fortress, while fashionable wooden doors can welcome guests into your home.

  Think of all the places that deserve automatic doors, bathrooms, kitchens and undersea laboratories Don’t you deserve an automatic door in your life?